Spiralling Out Of Control
by Sour Cherry x
Summary: When Edward leaves Bella she can't cope. She turns to drugs and drinking. What happens when Alice decided to check on Bella? What will Edward do when he sees the damage he causes? How will Bella react? Contains, drugs, drinking, and more.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of Stephanie Meyer's story lines or characters :( I do own this story line and any new characters though :)

Ok, I know this is really short, but i just want to see what people think, and if people think I should continue the story. I already have a really good plot idea and I want to continue it. I will update it as soon as I get reviews, and if i continue with the story It will be updated mostly everyday I hope :)

This is my first fanfic, so If you have any tips on how I can improve my writing, please let me know :) Thanks.

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I'm lying on my bed in a state of pure painless bliss after doing a line of coke. I'm getting better at doing the lines, just like a pro, Ashton said. Because of my pain free state of mind, I can actually bare to think of them for once without resorting to crawling into a tiny ball and letting my sobs of pain overtake me. When Edward left in that forest that day, I promised that I would never do anything stupid to him, and I never thought I would find myself in this situation. But things change.

Bella Swan snorting coke? I would have laughed.

It's not like I am an addict though, I know my limit and I don't have a physical need for it, its just help me, that's all it is and ever will be. I'm not like one of those addicts that would do anything for another hit, sure I do some things but it's nothing awful. I wouldn't have had to do this if he hadn't of left me, it's his fault. But lets be honest, why would he have stayed?

I was just a distraction, a weak pathetic human, who apparently has a mind like a sieve, and who apparently couldn't love him as much as he supposedly loved me. Not that he loved me anyway, it was all just a game. I bet the entire Cullen family are laughing at how predictable and pathetic humans can be.

Esme and Carlisle never loved me like their own daughter. Alice was never my best friend. Emmett never thought of me as his little sister. Rosalie, well she was the only one that didn't go along with the whole charade. I knew she hated me, but at least she was being truthful about the whole situation.

I start to remember the first time that I tried that white powder, which is also known as cocaine. It was after the morning where Charlie had decided he had enough, and was attempting to be an authoritative figure for the first time. So there I was eating my cereal with those robotic movements that I had become accustomed to when he tried to do something about it.

"That's it Bella! I cant take anymore of this, I've had enough. i think its time you went home to your mother."

I didn't understand it at first, I thought I had been doing a pretty decent job of making everything appear just peachy, but apparently not. I started to panic. I hated Forks, but I knew I couldn't leave, not yet. I tried to stop my face showing my feelings, as _he _one told me my face was just like an open book. I carefully put my poker face on.

"Why? Have you had enough of me? What have I done wrong Daddy?"

"Nothing! That is exactly the point I am trying to make Bella. You don't do anything anymore, you're like a zombie and I just can't bare to watch my baby girl go through this amount of pain. I think your mother is better than dealing with this kind of stuff than I am. I'm sorry Bella." Charlie said as a guilty look appeared on his face. He probably felt bad that he was trying to cast me off onto my mother.

"So would you prefer me to start getting into trouble then? Would they make you happy!?" I half-yelled.

"Well it would be bloody better than this Bella. Anything would be bloody better than this state of mind you are in, moping around like somebody died!" Ouch that hurt. I tried making sure I wasn't moping around. Well I guess all my efforts had gone to waste. He knew not talk about what happened four months ago though. It was strictly off limits, he knew that. Why would he bring it up? Why would he intentionally hurt me like that?

"Look Dad, I'm fine. If it will make you feel better I will go out tonight okay? Maybe I will call Angela and Jessica and go see a movie in Port Angeles, or maybe go shopping for some new books." I tried reasoning with him.

"Bella, I shouldn't have to force you into going out. You're eighteen years old, you should want to go out with your friends, not be moping around the house all day. I think we might need to involve a professional honey." I ignored his last comment and decided I couldn't listen to anymore.

"Dad, I don't want to listen to anymore of this okay? I won't be home when you get back so don't worry about me, I will be with Jessica or Angela."

And with that I stormed out of the house, unable to continue the conversation with Charlie. I didn't fully understand why I didn't agree to his idea of moving back in with Mom and Phil. I knew _he_ wasn't coming back, but to be honest, I just couldn't bare the thought of what if. What if he came back for me and he couldn't find me? Pathetic I know, but I was past the point of caring if I was acting pathetic or not. Nothing mattered anymore.

After ignoring my friends for four months, they eventually gave up. I didn't particularly want to try and fix things with them so I decided i would just go out on my own, and hope that Charlie didn't talk to Angela or Jessica's mom's and check that I was doing what I said I would be.

So that evening I drove my truck home as soon as school had finished, grabbed my old purse, climbed back into my truck and drove straight to Port Angeles. I didn't bother to listen to the radio as all music lately seemed to remind me of _him_.

I wasn't too sure on what I would do with myself once I got into Port Angeles. I knew that i had to stay out for about five hours, or Charlie would get suspicious with why I was home so early.

I decided on just going to the park, and waste a few hours, people watching. As long as I didn't think about things, then I knew I would be fine.

So there I sat, on a rusty bench in the park, with my knees against my chest, watching couples stroll through the park. I just stared at them, part of me filled with revulsion and a part filled with envy of what I once had, which _he_ stole from me.

Just as I was about to get up and leave, this guy came up to me. He looked to be about nineteen years old, with short blonde hair. He was wearing a varsity jacket and jeans. Normally I would of thought he was kind of cute, but I had been running with the supernatural for too long to notice.

"Hey, you seem kind of alone and sad? Want to come to a party I'm having at my house? It might cheer you up?"

He asked in a friendly tone. I was a bit surprised and wary that he was talking to me, but he seemed nice so I shrugged off my concerns. Normally I would have said no straight away. He was a stranger and I had no idea what his motives were. But instead I decided that I had nothing to lose, and I was quite literally past the point of caring what happened to me.

"Sure, why not" I replied feeling a rush of adrenaline for doing something the normal me, goody-two-shoes wouldn't have done.

"Sweet, I'm Josh by the way"

"I'm Bella, so where is your house?"

"Not far, just across the road, follow me."

So that's what I did, I followed this stranger to his house.

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Please review! I will update as soon as you do! :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own SM characters or plot, I do own this story line and my new characters though.**

**Please review! I've already started the next chapter, and I will update it as soon as I get 10 reviews from this chapter :) Harsh I know, but I am updating this everyday for you, and all I want in return is reviews please :)**

So thats what I did, I followed this stranger to his house.

I had a feeling that this was a mistake. Its not the kind of thing the normal Bella would do, but it was too late to change my mind. I didn't want to be seen as the little girl who goes running home to daddy instead. As we walked across the front yard to his house, I had to step over the various people making out on the grass and the empty beer cans. When we got to the door, the music was blasting, it was impossible to hear anything apart from the heavy bass.

The house was a mess, but it seemed like people were having a good time regardless. Maybe this is what real people did? Instead of crawling into a ball and crying their selves to sleep every night like the pathetic human I am. People were eating the faces off of each other on the various pieces of living room furniture, which had been moved against the walls to create a make shift dance floor. In the centre of the room people were hard core dancing and grinding to the music blasting from the oversized stereo speakers. This was definitely not my scene, so I decided I would just find something to drink, and just find an empty place to sit it out, till I could leave without looking like a goody-two-shoes.

I easily found my way to the kitchen where there were various drinks, all alcoholic of course. Instead I walked over to the sink and poured a glass of water into one of those red, plastic cups that everyone seemed to be holding. As I was taking a sip, a clearly drunk guy walked over towards me. He was tall, probably about 6" 2', with short black hair, which had been styled into various directions. He was wearing a navy polo-shirt and faded denim jeans.

"Hey babe, wanna go upstairs? I can show you a real good time" He slurred, he was obviously really drunk, it was quite sickening actually. I backed away as his breath was utterly disgusting, and he was beginning to creep me out.

Just as I was about to tell him to leave me alone, another guy interrupted us. He was taller than this drunk, really muscular though, with blonde shaggy hair. He was wearing a dark green T-shirt and dark denim jeans.

"What do you think your doing Adam? Leave the poor girl alone, she obviously doesn't want to go upstairs with a man slag like you." he said laughing at the drunk guy in front of me.

"Piss off Ashton, who the hell do you think you are?" He slurred as he stumbled out of the kitchen. That seemed to teach him a lesson.

"Sorry about Adam. I'm Ashton, as you probably guessed." He said with a crooked smile as he went to shake my hand. I pushed the thoughts of someone else's crooked smile deep down.

"Bella" I said as I shook his hand. He actually seemed pretty nice.

"Hey, do you want a drink?" He said as he went to pour himself one.

I've never really been the girl to go to parties and drink, because of all the bad stuff that can happen, but as I thought about it, did it really matter if something bad can happen? The worst thing that can possibly happen to someone has already happened to me, so technically I had nothing to lose did I?

"Um yes please" I said nervously. How sad, I really was bad at acting normal, but I don't think Ashton realised. At least I hope I didn't.

"Not drink much huh? Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on you." He winked. Apparently he could tell, damn.

"No not really." I said looking at an interesting mark on the floor and trying to hide my burning cheeks.

"Here, have a Vodka Cruiser then, don't worry its only 5%." He said as he handed me the raspberry flavored alcopop from the round kitchen table.

I took a few sips, while Ashton quickly told me he was going to find someone and would be back in a minute.

It surprised me to find that it tasted really good. I had almost finished the entire bottle, which shocked me quite a bit, when I began to feel extremely happy for the first time since _he_ left. I also had a sudden desire to go and talk to people and start dancing like everyone else in this house.

I decided to go and find Ashton, guessing that he was probably in the living room. As I walked into the living room, he spotted me whilst talking to his mates and came over straight away.

"Hey Bella, how are you feeling?" His voice held a hint of uncertainty I was feeling pretty damn good..

"Good" I slurred, surely other people didn't get drunk this easily?

"Come on, lets go dance" he laughed. I agreed straight away, I was feeling on top of the world, like I could do anything I wanted to. I could even think about him without a whole ripping into my chest. I had never felt better.

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Time seemed to fly by, and before I knew it everyone was leaving and stumbling outside to their cars. I was pretty gutted that I would have to leave when I was finally have a good time.

Ashton must have seen the disappointed look on my face.

"If you don't want to leave Bella, just stay the night here. My parents are on vacation, don't worry about it" He winked. I knew that I shouldn't trust this guy, as I really didn't know him from Adam but I didn't really see any problem with it, he seemed like a genuinely good guy. He hadn't done anything to make me suspicious of his intentions.

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I woke up the next morning in a strange bed, with an intense headache. I looked around the room and to my absolute horror my eyes caught a guy lying next to me in the bed. Naked.

Shit, last night suddenly came flooding back. The guys name that was lying next to me was Ashton. I could remember how I felt amazing and pain free last night after that Vodka Cruiser. It then hit me like a tone of bricks. My drink was spiked last night and I had just lost my virginity to the stranger lying beside me.

Almost instantaneously the bigger whole in my chest opens up bigger than before as I think about how disappointed Edward would be in me. How ever if he did ever come back, he would find me disgusting and just leave with his family again. I was no longer pure and innocent. What makes it worse is that I can barely remember what had happened, but the fact that we are both naked in his bed isn't really that hard figure it out.

I would have expected to feel violated and furious that this guy had spiked my drink, and then took my virginity, but strangely enough, I didn't. It was the first time since _h_e left me that I didn't feel like someone was digging around my heart with a knife. He wasn't coming back, so why should I give a damn what he thinks?

But, as I should of guessed, the all too familiar pain had returned of his abandonment had resurfaced .I had to stop this pain, I couldn't take it anymore.

Ashton started to move, showing that he was about to wake up. Damn.

As soon as his eyes met mine, he gasped, obviously surprised at who he had find lying in his bed.

"Shit. Bella. I am so sorry that I spiked your drink last night, I was drunk myself, I know thats no excuse. I made a horrible mistake, You didn't deserve for me to do that to you. I feel so awful, I am really sorry Bella." He looked like he thought I was going to scream at him, he honestly looked scared. I was surprised he seemed so guilty about it, most guys wouldn't care.

What surprised me most though was my answer.

"Don't worry about it, I haven't felt that good in a long time."

He looked a bit stunned at my answer.

"Are you serious? are you not mad?"

"Nope" I said popping the 'p'

"Then why are you curled into a ball like that then? Look Bella, you have every right to hate me for what I did to you, I'm so sorry." Damn, I didn't even realise I was sitting like that, It seems like it happens automatically now.

"I'm not mad Ashton, I'm just like this because last night was the first time in a long time that I didn't feel this pain. You took it away last night when you spiked my drink with whatever you put in it. But now its back and I just can't take it anymore" I said, sobbing into the pillow.

"You're a messed up little thing aren't you? Don't worry honey, I have the perfect thing for you. I spiked your drink with GHB last night, you know like liquid ecstasy?" He rambled on, not that I was taking much notice.

"But I've got something even better. It will make you feel alive again. Its on the house as well, because, you know, I took advantage, and well it is your first time with the stuff."

He awkwardly said as he reached over into his bedside table and pulled out an old mirror, a rolled up dollar bill, a razor blade and white powder in a bag.

"What is that?" I asked, having second thoughts. But he said that it would make me feel alive again, and that was a risk worth taking. But what would Charlie think? Shit Charlie! I never went home last night, he probably had the whole town looking for me. Oh well, he wanted me to start living, now I am.

"Cocaine, pretty good stuff, I only buy the best" He winked. I laughed.

He poured some of the powder onto the mirror, and made two lines with it.

"Watch what I do" He said

I just nodded, and paid attention to what he was doing with the rolled up dollar bill. He put it to the end of the line, then snorted it through his nose, holding one side of his nose down with his finger. Then took a deep sigh.

"Ok, Just do what I did, and don't breath out otherwise it will go everywhere." He laughed.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry its been ages and sorry it's short, but I'm not very well at the moment and having a real hard time lately, Please review, the sooner you do, the sooner you get a nice big fat chapter**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the twilight saga, but I own my own characters and story line.**

I copied what Ashton did. I didn't snort it all in one go, but after a few tries the white powder had disappeared and the beautiful relief was instant. The pain was gone. Like it never existed. It was the best feeling I had ever experienced.

"You look better already honey." He said with a crooked smile like _he _always wore, but for the first time it didn't actually hurt to think about him.

"Thanks I feel it." I replied, with a real grin plastered across my face.

After an hour of talking to Ashton, I decided it was time to face Charlie. But realising that I was high, I decided I should hide out at Ashton's for a bit longer, which he was more than happy about. We talked for a long time just about ourselves, as I guess I should know some basics about the guy I just fucked and lost my virginity too. I kept going back to last night, trying to remember what had happened and if he had used protection, but to be honest, I was to embarrassed to ask.

I hung out with Ashton all morning, which I thought was much better than facing Charlie. I was hoping that I could put off _that_ reunion for a whilst longer anyway. On top of being high, we also went through countless packets of cigarettes and bottles of vodka. I was starting to like the new 'Bella'. It felt _right_.

At around 1pm I decided it was time to face the music. I swapped numbers with Ashton, who I promised to text. I climbed in my truck and began the dreaded journey home to the police chief.

When I pulled into the driveway, the wrath I was expecting didn't even come close to what I was about to receive. As I slowly looked around the front yard, there were several police cruisers, even some from Port Angeles it appeared, and everyone I had ever met, plus more, in our front yard. _Shit, _I thought. I really wasn't going to help matters by being drunk and high. I knew the chances of heading back out without being caught were extremely slim, because as I pulled in, thanks to my beast of a truck, every face automatically zoned in on mine. I felt my face burning as Charlie came running out of the house at the sound of my arrival.

His eyes were red and blotchy, from lack of sleep and crying it appeared. As soon as he reached my truck, he ripped the door open and engulfed me into a hug. Charlie and me had never been people to show emotion, so I knew I had screwed up badly to get him to react like this.

"Christ Bella, are you okay honey? What happened to you? Do you get hurt?" but as he was verbally vomiting, he took in a deep breath and as soon as he did I knew what was going to happen.

"Bella, why do you smell of alcohol? You weren't driving under the influence were you?" He said in a relatively calm voice. Just like the calm before the storm.

Me, being the smart-ass I recently became, just said,

"Whatever Charlie." I climbed out of my truck, and pushed my way through the crowd of spectators who were watching our exchange, and ran upstairs to my room.

I went straight to my room, and laid down on my bed as I heard what sounded like everyone leaving. I'm guessing Charlie had told them his perfect daughter had returned and to call the search parties off. I almost felt bad for Charlie, he had been worrying about me, and I didn't even seem to care, but then I remembered that it was his fault. He wanted me to go out and live, and thats exactly what I planned on doing.

I heard the front door close with excessive force, and starting to make his way up the creaky staircase with his feet thudding against the steps, signaling that the police chief wasn't in a happy go lucky mood.

But when he opened my bedroom door, i was expecting a look of pure rage and i got the opposite, disappointment.

"I was so worried about you Bella, how could you do that to me? How could you stay out all day and night and just not care how I was feeling?" He shook he head at me as if to emphasise his feelings of disappointment in me.

"So where were you last night then Bella? When i was panicking and all kinds of thoughts were going through my head?"

"I went out like you told me to Charlie"

"I asked you a question, and i expect you to answer it. Where were you last night, where did you go?"

"Whatever Charlie, I'm eighteen years old, I don't have to tell you everything that goes on in my life, I'm off out okay? thats all you need to know"

"No Bella, your not going anywhere. What the hell were you thinking driving with alcohol in your system!? I thought you knew better than this! You could have bloody killed yourself!? Do you realise that!

And with that i pushed past him, ran down the stairs, out of the house and into my truck and made my way to the local off license for some cigarettes. I was already getting a monster of a craving for them.


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